Cocktails First. Questions Later.

After a few months of blogging hiatus and plenty of awkward life moments, I'm sitting here trying to figure out what story says this is why you've missed me for 5 months. There's the penis story.. or the awkward I know you story.. or hey hottie i've been crushing on you since high school. But yeah I thought I'd start off with the swingers......  

So first things first, DISCLAIMER: DO NOT DRINK and Tinder (Even if it is just a wine buzz before bed).  The label on the bottle that tells you that alcohol can inhibit judgement, not just there to fill marketing space on the bottle. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?  Many a nights, I've opened some wine and made some less than stellar tinder choices. Only to wake up in the morning and go... OH GOD, did I really say that and then even worse take a better look at the lucky fellow who got to talk to drunk ole me. Let me tell you they are not as good looking as I thought they were last night.. Okay that's me being nice they might as well be a gremlin. And we all know the rules of Gremlins,  remember  1. Don't expose them to bright lights  2. Don't get them wet and 3. No matter how much they beg don't feed them after midnight....  NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS AFTER MIDNIGHT

My favorite Tinder mistake happened only a few weeks ago... I'm drinking some wine in bed watching some trashy tv and playing tinder like its a game.. So the usual. I happen across a fairly attractive guy and swipe right. His picture has a girl in it whatever, a lot of pictures have guys because most of my friends are guys. Can't Judge. 

So first mistake: didn't look at all of his pictures... the first clue would have been that they all had the same girl in them. 

Second Mistake: being too superficial to read his caption.. because I really didn't care about:  "KCCO Keep Calm and CHIVE ON" the standard dude's caption

Third Mistake: responding to the tinder chats without checking the two things listed above. 

So you might be guessing where this is going, I clearly didn't.. We're chatting about superficial things. Like what do you do for fun, what do you like, where do you like to grab drinks. And then the bomb drops... "so we think you are a really cool girl would you be interested in grabbing drinks with us to talk about our arrangement." Umm... arrangement? Does he think I'm a prostitute and has this weird thing planned with his buddies... So I'm sitting there going do I respond? Slightly growing in anger  by the  nerve of this creep.  I open up his picture again wanting to get a better look at him and read the caption on the bottom of his profile. OPPPSSS..... "A fun loving couple. Looking to find someone who likes to have fun. Let's have drinks and feel each other out." I'm not sure if that was more awkward to me than the idea that I'm a hooker... but let's just say I unmatched that pair real quick.

Oh hey.. I'm BACK!

My poor little BLOG took a nose dive last May when my apartment was broken into and my laptop was stolen.. Womp Womp.. It was nearly impossible to type up a whole post on my iPad. Maybe not impossible but quite infuriating and grammatically incorrect. So I did a whole 6 months of the whole no TV or laptop thing before I finally gave in and ordered my MacBook from the shiny remodeled Apple Store. So here we are 5 months later... I'm still a Single, Sassy, Twenty Something. I've had a great run over the last couple of months and time seemed to fly by in the matter moments.  I've got months of creeps, losers, and awkward moments coming your way. So sit back, relax and be ready to laugh your butt off at the irony of my life.

My LIFE IS COMING YOUR WAY IN 3....2.....1

Oh SNAP!

Oh Snapchat, you little devil, how can I love you and hate you so? A fun little app that can be a relationship starter or ender depending..  a trouble maker, a flirt, a tease, and always a whole lot of fun. But yet I have developed this love hate relationship with you. I used to never use the app, my original views on it included that it was a stupid little app that had no real purpose.  If I was willing to send a picture I shouldn't care if you could save it or not. Well surprise.. surprise.. I succumbed to that little fad. Starting off with sending those naughty little photos that are even more of a tease in 10 second increments. Then I started using it anytime I was sending any photo to anyone, because well who doesn't love snapchat. But now I've come to this conclusion that snapchat has ruined my sex life as of late. I have more and more snapchats in my inbox and less and less person to person.. well you get the picture. And don't get me wrong I get the reasoning: why do we have to have a person to person exchange when you can get by with sending pictures back and forth and not interrupting your busy schedule. But I don't know if its just me but the more we integrate technology into our relationships the less we actually need the people we talk to. That's just me feeling celibate and self righteous for the day. Because we all know tomorrow I won't be deleting snapchat... I've got that addiction just like everyone else.

It's a small small tinder world.....

Sometimes I use tinder like a game, I'm not going to lie... Well I'm pretty sure most people at one time or another just go hot, not, hot, not.... Let's face it, it was created to judge other human beings based on their looks and nothing else. It's all fun and games until you shuffle onto someone you know some way or another. Most of the time I randomly stumble onto someone that I know as a customer. There are the ones that you recognize instantly and can't hit no fast enough. Then there are the ones that you sit and flip through pictures and go i know you from somewhere, but where the hell have I seen them before? I had one of those moments at dinner tonight. I randomly landed on this guy...

 So the first couple of pictures I sorted through, I'm like I've seen him before... I couldn't put my finger on it. And then it hits me he's so familiar because I have a picture with him from halloween when I was in college hanging on one of my collage boards....

Brings me back to my good old college days when you randomly took pictures with a guy because he was a doctor and you were a nurse..... Don't we look adorable? Welcome to it's a small, small, tinder world....

G.I Jane or Attachment Barbie?

Anyone who knows, me knows that  I have a Netflix binge addiction. Currently I am rewatching the best years of Grey's Anatomy. That's when I came across the episode where Teddy becomes overly attached to Andrew who is leaving and starts avoiding him because she doesn't want to say goodbye. While I wasn't a huge fan of Teddy she does have one of my favorite lines in the series "I'm not G.I Jane, I'm attachment-Barbie." At some point every girl tries to be that strong self reliant girl, who doesn't need a man for anything other than sex (G.I Jane) but then come to realize that they are in fact attached and have developed much more of a relationship with them than they thought (attachment-Barbie).
I started my online dating crusade months ago in order to find this elusive relationship that I desperately thought I wanted to be in. I wanted to find the perfect guy, that complemented my twisted sarcasm, understood when I wanted my space, and to have amazing sex. It turns out that's my version of Attachment- Barbie. But on the quest I've seemed to have deviated from the intended course. Instead its about 3 months later and I've reverted back to G.I Jane... the girl who no matter how hard she tries can't seem to find the guy that she wants to be attached to. While yes Mr. Cocky was a fun detour on the road to Mr. Perfect.. we didn't have a whole heck of alot in common besides the fact that we had a lot of sex. We tried too hard to make conversations, I pretended to like things that I didn't and made jokes he didn't understand. There wasn't the same level of investment in the relationship: let's say I had little to no investment and well he was attachment-Barbie. That's when you know its time to cut him loose, and start the quest again. So here's to another week of perverts, weirdos, and oddballs...

Questions A Cashier Should Never Ask!

Having worked in Customer Service for years now, it never ceases to amaze me what people will say. In this case,  I'm actually not talking about the customers. Last night, I walked into a store to pick up a couple of things.  It was about 9 o'clock so there was one cashier and a line about 4 people. I awkwardly fidgeted with my phone trying to waste time. The line moved pretty quickly we were finally up to the person in front of me. The woman hand over a box to the cashier, he grabs the box examines it and scans the product. Then I hear "So are you hoping it's positive or negative?" The poor woman stands there for a moment looking like she wants to curl up into a ball and die. "Well usually, I can tell how you want it to go, But I can't tell from your face." All while animating his face to show what people look like when they are purchasing pregnancy tests. She awkwardly shifts her feet again mumbles negative and swipes her card hoping to finish the transaction. He hands over the box and the receipt sans bag and says "Hope its negative for ya!" I walked up to the register avoiding eye contact and handed over my snacks and aspirin, I didn't want to hear his opinions on my shopping choices. 
Probably would have gotten some advice about not eating after 7.... In what world did this guy think it was okay to question a poor woman about her preference on a pregnancy test???? She is probably terrified more than anything and you just made it 500 times worse by calling attention to it. Anyone who has ever cashiered knows in the cases of pregnancy tests, condoms, and lube you just ring up the product, don't make eye contact and softly tell them the total making sure to quickly place the product in the bag so no one can see. I hope to god that poor woman takes the survey about the service she received because that cashier probably needs to learn where to draw the lines of conversation. Oy! the things you overhear in a store.... 

Bang, Bang, Creak, Crack, Broke

From the first night I spent with Mr. Cocky it was all about the sex. And I know what you're probably thinking thats always what guys want, they just want a good booty call. Well ladies... you're wrong it wasn't what he wanted it was all about me and what I wanted. That Friday morning, I woke up ready to conquer a busy/ long day at work: full of panel interviews, organizing and setting up for a charity event at a local brewery. Yes my job included a fun-filled day raising money at a brewery open house, but that wasn't what was playing over and over in my mind for the day. I was counting down the minutes until I could get home and under those sheets. Six times the night before, could make a girl antsy for an encore. Let's just say the day was full of sexy texts and anticipation.  Fast Forward through the work day and straight to when I got home. At this point, I've already decided what I want and it's not a meaningful conversation.... I texted him to get his ass over time my apartment, showered quickly and changed into some skimpy underwear and a robe. 

The festivities start off the minute he walks through the door. The passion, the haste, the groping, the touching all in the heat of the moment. But let's skip over the intimate details to the real point of this story. Is it only me or do you think about the neighbors can hear when having sex? Ever so I often I forget that they're there, until I can hear them talking or their TV on. The first night I had completely forgotten that they existed, but after our first round I felt instantly self conscious that my neighbors could hear the whole nights festivities through the wall. Especially the bang, bang, bang against their living room wall. So I had this ingenious idea to move the bed farther away from the wall. Determined to quiet the night, I kicked his ass out of bed and moved the bed frame about 6 inches from the wall to stop the frame from knocking against the wall while we were knocking boots. 

We hoped back into bed, ready to go again we kissed and joked as he relaxed and leaned farther back against the bed frame. Things got hot and heavy all until you heard a loud crack and felt a slow motion descend towards the ground. That meant toppling over into the frame and laughing uncontrollably. I hoped out of bed only to see discover the frame had literally broken. Apparently the bed needed the stability of the wall to support all of the nights activities. Let's just say that's night fun cost me 5 days of sleeping on my mattress in my living room. Nothing makes an apartment feel like a cheap brothel like a mattress in the living room..... But that was only day two of our sexcapade.. So don't forget to tune back for more of my bed breaking three week hiatus. 

Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?

Where in the world have I been for the last couple of weeks? It wasn't anywhere exciting, it was mostly in my apartment, but I had been busy with a certain someone. So we have to start off with a recap from my last post. That thursday was an interesting day. I had coffee with Mr. Nurse, oh my god was that awkward... We had nothing to talk about and I also wasn't attracted to him in the least. So we fast forward about 5 hours to the second first date of the day. Usually I wouldn't double book, it always seems so cliche and trashy but WHAT THE HELL? I'm young, right? So for date two I had take out in my apartment with another guy that I met, who we actually share mutual friends. So after chatting with him he didn't seem to be a stalker so I let him come to my apartment. We started watching a movie, and of course things get a little handsy... Until the moment when i was unbuttoning his shirt and I started laughing hysterically. To fully understand why you have to rewind to earlier in the day where he talked a big game about his looks, and how perfect he was, and his big.... feet. I spent a good twenty minutes telling him he was in love with himself and that he was quite cocky and talked a big game, that he probably couldn't live up to. So fast forward back to the unbuttoning of the shirt... where I see an undershirt that has a silhouette of him on. I don't ever think I've laughed so hard in my life. He still swears to this day that he didn't wear that shirt on purpose and I'm still calling bullshit. At first I would have thought that shirt would have been a cock block but moral of the night ended up being that laughter and sex combo.. makes for some damn good sex. And he may have been right about a couple things.. he has a nice beard and veryyyy big feet if you know what I mean? So that's the story of my first night with Mr. Cocky. You'll just have to wait to hear about the rest of the three weeks. I'm back and ready to tell it all..... Look forward to my next post about my broken bed.

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee

I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned Mr. Nurse before in a post from last week, well maybe I didn't name him in my previous post. So here's the scoop I've been talking on and off with Mr. Nurse for a few weeks now. He's super busy schedule which never seems to match up right with mine, usually meant we played message tag and never really had full on conversation. The other night he took the plunge and asked me out to coffee on thursday. I've been avoiding make a full commitment to the coffee date. Something about him, just doesn't do it for me. Some of you are going to tell me that I am crazy when I start actually describing him. So Mr. Nurse is graduating from Yale and works At Yale New Haven Hospital for those of you who don't know what that is it's an Ivy league school/ teaching program with a nurse degree. (WOW Factor) He's super athletic and loves to go hiking and take outdoor trips. He's extremely nice and hard working and ambitious. All of which are categories that end up on my checklist. But even though he passes with high marks something about him, just doesn't give me butterflies, or even make me excited to go for coffee.  

I don't know what it is that turns me off, it could be because he's on the shorter side. Well he's my height(midget sized) which by my dating standards too short. I have a thing guys that are tall/ well at least taller than me. He also doesn't have the ability to grow a beard, which is a must. I am such a sap for good facial hair. This all sounds so vapid and superficial when I start listing. I also don't feel the connection. I don't wait for a message, or really feel the need to answer right away. It all just feels like I should just say no and not have to have the awkward this isn't going to work out conversation. Because whats worse than an awkward first date, having to explain that you thought the first date was awkward while they thought it was normal.

So my question is Coffee or No Coffee? 

Someone make a decision for me or I'm flipping a coin....

Celibate Saturday

DISCLAIMER: this post could border line too much information or a little risqué for your taste. If that's the case feel free to check back tomorrow for a new blog post a little less about sex.





I touched a little bit upon my favorite subject yesterday.... Sexting. For those of you who know me know that I will talk about anything and everything including sex. It's not one of those things that I find to be extremely private or feel like I have to hide from the world. Let's face it almost everyone has sex, so why would I be ashamed to talk about it? But I completely understand that not everyone thinks that way, for some it is extremely intimate and personal and something they in no way feel comfortable to talk about. Which is fine, and then there are the other girls only feel comfortable talking it through with their closest girlfriends, well you tell them everything right? And then there's me over here, who if you start the right conversation will tell you anything you want to know. 

I wasn't always like that though. It was like an evolution in life: you start out with the bad sex that you think is good, just because there is no comparison. That's the sex no one wants to talk about unless you are just saying yay we have sex. Then over time you progress into better sex with different sex partners. Sexual evolution takes over, you're willing to try new things and explore different options, sex is better than ever. That's the kind of sex that you describe to your girlfriends.  You've reached the point that you are comfortable talking about positions and details. You start to feel like you truly know what you're doing. And there's the point in your life when you know what you want, and what you like and if you're confident and outgoing you'll talk about it if the right person asks. (I say right person because you're not going to tell every creeper on the street) 

Now everyone by now knows that I have made my way into the online dating world. That does come without its own group of creepers/ overly forward guys. Most of them all ask the same questions: what are you wearing? Why haven't we had sex yet? Let's bang? What are you doing tonight, I hope it involves my bed? Most of the time unless I'm really bored I won't answer any of those questions. Let's face talking about my clothes, my underwear, or lack there of doesn't really come off as sexy. Descriptions unless you are a smutty romance novelist doesn't do it for me. Now 9 out of 10 times if you were to respond to these questions you would end up with a standard answer of oh that's hot! Really makes you want to put in the work and be creative huh? Then there's the other three sets of questions about when we are going to have sex. I get your just trying to get laid, but there are clearly better ways to do it, and here's a hint those questions are probably the reason you aren't getting laid....

<----Exhibit A would be this lovely conversation: so I got this message a couple weeks ago, and he caught me at a point when I was cranky tired. So I had a little snarky response. But after my witty comebacks I decided to take a chance and ask him if that line ever worked? His response at first was that it was his first time trying this line. Just a reminder I was snarky tired of course I responded with I'm more likely to believe that you are a virgin than that you've never tried that line before. That little zinger, apparently worked its magic... It wasn't his first time and he had never actually had it work. So I let him on a little secret, you want talk about sex just be honest about sex. 

There's something that is extremely sexy about talking about sex! Not talking dirty, oh put that there, smack me... Blah blah blah. That all has a time and place, but actually talking about sex. Some of the best sex conversations are talking about what you like and how you like. Why can't a sex conversation start off with where's the most public place you've had sex? There are points awarded for creativity, most likely it would end up with an actual intriguing conversation about sex. And I could be completely wrong, but at least to me talking about sex is way sexier than any fake Sexting. Those are the conversations that you carry on for hours and can be completely turned on because it's talking about what you know, your sex history and preferences. Who doesn't want to hear about how you actually like it or how you want it. But hey that's just me! I know that I am an extremely secure and forward person who doesn't represent a majority of the female population. I get told that all the time, " you really aren't like any other girl". But that's the way I like it. 

Forever Alone February

Forever Alone February is winding down, and I will swiftly be moving into No Man March. With that I thought I'd do a little recap of my eye-twitchingly long week. I swear this week could have come straight out of the twilight zone, and I apologize for any tangent that I may get off on. 

The week started off semi-normal. I chatted with a few normal guys. Most of the which were nowhere near my type. But you have to be objective a little, you can't really judge anyone based on an internet profile. One of which asked me out to coffee, I'm considering it but not really 100% sold. 

Then I got a message from a guy introducing himself and how much he liked my profile, heres the kicker I've known since elementary school. That moment when you're like umm.... So I actually know you, we went to elementary/ middle school together.. it's just plain AWKWARD.  That conversation lasted about a half an hour until it just got wayyyy too weird for me to even try.  

I had quite a few of my favorite what are you wearing conversations? Because those are the real original thinkers of our generation. All of which just respond with thats HOT! Because you couldn't possibly come up with anything more creative than that. Come up with a creative sexting pickup line and we can talk. Then there's the ones that wanted to snapchat. I just don't get the point of snap chat. While yes its fun to send to stupid pictures to your friends, I personally just feel if I'm willing to snapchat it to you, I am more than willing just to send you a text message with the same picture. People do realize that there about 5 free apps that can save snapchat pictures right? 

Who doesn't like dopplegangers? I know I would love to meet a doppleganger of John Krasinski or Ryan Gosling instead I have a message sitting in my inbox of the doppleganger of my exboyfriend....... Oh yes, just what I wanted to look at guy and be reminded of my exboyfriend. Same eyebrows/ eye ridges, same slope of the nose, same non-exsistent cheek bones and the same bags under the eyes. That  perfectly scruffy beard that draws me in. They could seriously be related. Now if this was really the twilight zone this version of my ex boyfriend would be perfect and sweet, and the man of my dreams. But we all know that would be way too easy, so I'm not opening that can of worms his message will sit in there forever. 

Next was the messages from guys with screennames like PookieJar, Chainbindingdream, EDTAkiller, Meltdown2005, hickyman420... really people need to put some more thought into their names. Because when you look like a stalker you should not pick names that elude to killer, or your meltdown in 2005, or that you like hickeys and smoking weed. Oy Vey!

Here's to No Man March starting off better than Forever Alone February ended. Otherwise this whole eat my feelings thing is going to turn out terribly wrong.... 

How Does A Girl Like You Not Have A Boyfriend?

What does every girl  thinks she wants to hear when they are talking to a new guy? For mosts it that  you are perfect, what he's always been looking for the girl of his dreams. It's a phrase thats meant to make you feel safe and "worthy" of his attention. In reality, at least for me its disarming. In that instant mentally going out on a tangent with a list of everything in my mind that I think are my huge personal flaws. I'm not perfect in no way shape or form, I'm just me. Which in many cases is extremely confident and rarely ever outspoken. But that is a phrase that could stop any good conversation in its track, all of sudden my charismatic self clams up and I'm no longer the free spirited blunt girl who tells you exactly how she feels. 

Well this was the case with Mystery Man #1. He was funny and sweet and we had a lot in common. We talked for a couple of days about the stupid things going on in our lives. We talked about our days off and then about work. It wasn't in the boring way you drone on about your boring day and the stacks of papers that you stapled. We teased each other mercilessly and flirted heavily. And then the bomb dropped. It's not the first time that a guy asked me and its not the last. But none the less it just made me feel as awkward as the first time a guy had asked, HOW DOES A GIRL LIKE YOU NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND? How on earth are you supposed to answer that question? 

How a normal person would answer that question: 

Awkward laugh, followed by a witty joke "Oh well I hadn't met you yet". The response came naturally because your initial interpretation of that question was that it was his way of calling you perfect and he couldn't imagine how a girl like you hasn't been snatched up by another guy. 

How my mind answers that question:

That's about how far i'd go to get away from that question!

It all starts out with a disclaimer: Well, it's sort of a long story, but I'm not really the girliest person in the world, which sort of makes me sound like a tranny. Which I am not.. But I'm picky and stubborn which is a hell of a combination. I have terrible taste in men, so I never trust my gut. Sometimes I swear I don't know what I'm looking for and when I do think I've found it I've usually made a terrible mistake. And the list of things that have gone wrong in my dating life continue to run through my mind. None of which I actually say.. well I only made that mistake once. Surprisingly in that situation It actually didn't turn out all that bad, we did end up still going on a date. But thats not the point, the point is that as soon as a guy eludes to the fact that I'm perfect, or a catch.. it's like instinct number one is to run as far and as fast as I can. 

For Mystery Man #1, that was the nail in the coffin. It was the moment when all the signs came crashing down, he wasn't going to be the man of my dreams. Because at the point I didn't feel like I could be the girl of his. Well hey, we win some we lose some.. on to the next suitor. Stay tuned for more stories on the ins and outs of online dating. 

Leibster Award!

So yesterday was a pretty exciting day, the lovely miss Kelly nominated me for a Liebster Award. Since I am extremely new to the blogging world, I was a little confused about what that really was. After a little research I was overjoyed, It almost makes me want to recite a Miss America Speech. They like me they really like me! I've only been blogging for a little over a week and am extremely excited by the followers I have gained over this week and hope to gain many more. So thank you Kelly over at AlongcameKelly for featuring me on your blog!

Films or series? 

While I love movies as much of the next girl I would definitely say I'm more of series girl. I am a huge Netflix binge addict, I'd rather watch an entire series in one day than watch it week to week when it airs.  

Take-away or eating out?

While I'm more likely to eat in, I love a good night out so I would have to say eating out is more fun.

Heels or flats?

Flats all the way, I couldn't walk in high heels if my life depended on it. But i do have a pair of knee high, high heel boots that I love dearly. They are like my little treasure that I attempt to wear out from time to time. 

Cold or hot holidays?

Cold holidays, And that's only because Christmas is during winter and I LOVE christmas. Fresh christmas trees, reindeers, decorations,  and baked goods what's not to love? 

Facebook or Twitter?

So I have twitter that I don't understand how to use or what the point. So I guess using facebook to enter a contest to win a TV and to promote my blog makes it useful website

Tea or coffee?

Tea, I've always had a lot of energy and drinking coffee gives me the shakes like a drug addict

Sweet or savoury?

Who doesn't have a sweet tooth? I can't pass up a good old fashioned backed good.

Lipgloss or lipstick?

I love a good lipstick, right now I'm addicted to anything from MAC with my favorite color being this great plum.

Bath or shower?

Bath, I will take any moment that I can get to sit back and relax.

Books or magazines?

I love a good book, I don't read as much as I used to.  If I start a good book I can't help but put everything aside in order to finish it ASAP. I think I have an instant gratification addiction. there's a recurring theme with this whole need to binge.

Dogs or cats?

I've had cats and dogs ever since I was little, So I don't know if I can decide. So I'm gonna say rabbit. Because overall that's the pet I miss the most.

Since I'm new to this whole blogging thing I'm not following alot of small new blogs but two of my favorite are: 

Amy Marie- Champagne and Pearls

Elise- Hello World

 So your questions ladies: 

1. What inspired your Blog name?

2. How and why did you get started?

3. Who is your favorite blogger?

4. What is the best advice you have ever been given?

5. What is your dream job?

6. Who was your first celebrity crush?

7. Favourite item of clothing you own?

8. Where do you see yourself this time next year?

9. Worst purchase you've ever made? 

10. Books or magazines?

11. Films or series?

Grouplove...

Riffling through my collection of pictures in order to shake up my profile a little. Most of the photos that I love are of me and my besties. Normally if I take a picture by myself, I just make this awkward oh you're taking a picture of me face. It's neither cute or endearing I promise. But if I take a picture with a group, I sort of feel obligated not to be the weird one who ruins the picture and really just doesn't want to be the ugliest one in the group. Because lets face it with such pretty friends its hard to compete. So I have to make sure I use my camera ready smile, not the rabid gerbil smile, or the creepy I'm up to something smirk. Because after all it will end up on Facebook for everyone to see. Just got've save those other two smiles for snapchat.

There are two major issues with using group photos for profile pictures when Online Dating. First of which how on earth are you supposed to narrow down whose profile it is? Do you actually want to take the ten seconds to open the full profile to find more pictures? Sometimes I'm just not in the mood, and it just seems like too much work. There's also that person who puts up 10 group photos all of which have at least three people in common. What do you do then? The first couple of rounds you go with your first instinct which will always draw you in to the uber attractive guy. Who am I kidding once you've honed in there are no other guys in that picture.  But after being burned a couple of times by my biased eye my trust began to waiver. So what do you do? Start to disregard the poor guy for poor choices in photo, or continue take the risk that he's the guy with gap tooth in the middle? 

Then theres the second risk you take in judging looks based on a group photo. It's subtle and deceitful and even a pro can be fooled.  There are many a times that I have succumb to the cheerleader effect, oh you've never heard of the cheerleader effect? The cheerleader effect is was first coined by Barney Stintson(HIMYM) to describe a group of super hot women or at least they seem to be super hot, until you take the time to look at each woman individually, and then you realize it. She's not hot all, In Barney's words she's a complete "sled dog". This phenomenon does not only apply to women. It is a psychological trick that effects both men and women. There are plenty of times when I've opened profiles and I've flipped through some alright photos and then hit a group photo where they looked SMOKIN' and all of sudden I've reached fan girl status. It's that hopeful thinking that could get lead you down the road to a very awkward first date. 

So after a taking a stab judging the group photo a couple of times, I've come up with a standard rule. If all you have to go on is a group photo, AUTOMATICALLY assume that he is the ugliest guy in the picture. This way when you are able to pinpoint which one is your stud muffin you aren't disappointed that he looks like more like a homeboy than your fantasy boy. And remember, don't disregard your first instinct of their other photos, because you'd hate to be duped by the cheerleader effect. 

Finally, Home Sweet Home

TWO MONTHS after moving into my apartment I have finally unpacked my last box and it's like the weight of a dead body has been lifted off my chest. My apartment finally looks and feels like home. Well except for the fact that I still have random empty pictures frames scattered around, but that's just going to have to be a project for another day.. because let's face the closet took everything I had out of me. After a long week at work, I went on a cleaning spree this morning and got a little overzealous. My apartment needed a little bit of tidying up after a week of sleeping in an unmade bed. I don't know why, it's probably psychological, but I always sleep better in a bed that was freshly made. I'm not a terribly mess person, but the place definitely needed a good clean down. Once I got started cleaning, it was like I wasn't going to stop. And thats when it happened, I got swept away and opened the door to THE CLOSET. Dun Dun Dun... Okay so let me start off by saying, I'm pretty sure that everyone has one of these closets when they first move into a place. You know what I'm talking about just admit it, that one that you shove all the boxes you don't want to look at into. Moving can be extremely daunting. You unpack for weeks and weeks and then one day you just can't look at the boxes anymore. So you do what any normal human being would do hide them. It's only going to be for a little while you tell yourself. Just long enough for me to feel like I'm at home and that it's not completely a disheveled mess. Weeks go by and you don't think about it again until one day you realize you need a pair of your fat pants out of the bottom of the box over in the corner. You tear through the box because you have to be to work in 20 minutes, and then you don't open the closet door again until weeks later when you need that next obscure clothing item. And Before you know it, that closet is the scariest place on earth and it could haunt you in your sleep.

Now I'm going to show you a picture of this closet, while it mortifies me to show people that at any point i was this much of a slob... I have to admit it feels pretty damn good to have a clean closet and NO MORE BOXES! Which officially means that I have completely unpacked my life and no longer live in my parents house. (oh wait... except for the boxes that sort of still live in their basement and my mom nags me to take every single time I stop over.... Oh well those are out of sight out of mind. I can't let a little detail like that get me down.) But the best part is I've also found the other 3/4s of my wardrobe. Which low and behold has some color in it. I've worn a lot of grays and blacks lately it's like I was mourning the fact that I had lost the other half of my wardrobe to the closet from hell. Now I just need it to be spring so I can find some furniture to upcycle, so that my coffee table isn't a chest and my end table isn't made of hat boxes... I never thought I'd still be "moving in" two months later, but at least now it's starting to feel like home. 

What a Dreamboat.... Not

If you're anything like me, when you first started online dating there was this sense of anxious euphoria everytime that you heard the little ping notification coming from your phone. There would be the awkward jostle to get your phone out as quickly as possible, checking instantly to see if he was dreamy and perfect in everyway. You open the profile to get a sneak peak at him.. and low and behold he's not dreamy at all. But you want to give him a little bit of chance so you half-heartedly open his message and you read this.... 

 Why Mr. Dreamboat, Just Why? I sit here thinking where to begin dissecting this joke of a message. What the hell why not just start with the best part... ohhh his sweeping proclamation of love for girls with curves. What girl who isn't a size 0-2 doesn't want to hear how much you love the parts of their body that they hate most.... Does this guy know anything about women? Every girl at least the ones I know hate their curves. Well unless she is supermodel with perfect curves who hasn't discovered what its like to have cellulite on her butt. Okay so while I wasn't all that fond of that comment, the part that annoyed me more was that the whole last half sounds like a thirteen year old girl had written it. What self respecting man says the word effing and adds 5 sssssss to the end of gorgeous. I can't even bring myself to do it and I'm a 23 year old woman. At any point did he think this message was going to get him laid? Come on, while it's great that you have a full time job, and own a home, and not one but two cars is it really all that necessary for you to spam my inbox with your vague life history. Did you know that janitors are employed full-time and that I know a guy with 8 cars none of which run... Let's be serious here if you are trying to brag about what you think your life savings is worth it's not really going to help you out when you sound like you haven't quite reached puberty yet. But we haven't gotten to the real draw, the jet skis.......oh the jet skis. I can't lie there was a 20 second window where I contemplated messaging him back. Come on, it's jet skis! But then it all flashed before my eyes. 

 I'd be over here riding the jet skis, look at how much fun I'm having! And right there behind me that's my sex life sinking as fast as the titanic. Because there is no way that I would be able to pretend to have any sexual interest in a guy that calls me gorgeuosssss and just loves a girl with curves!!! Could I give up sex for a summer full of riding out in the water on jet skis? Okay, Maybe... Oh wait NOPE it's the dead of winter and I'd have to keep that charade up for 5 months before I got anything out of it.  That's it  Mr. Dreamboat just got added to the pile declined messages, right next to the creeper with the a foot fetish, But that's a story for another day. 

Chivalry ISNT Dead But it Sure is AWKWARD

What girl doesn't love a bad boy? There's always that irresistible magnetism that draws you in and has you hopelessly fawning over his bad boy ways. You know those boys that no matter how hard you try you can't seem to break down the barriers, they're yours but not yours all at once. I know my track record speaks for itself, I pick all the wrong types of guys. There's always that thrill of the chase, the fervent flirting, the hopes that a guy like him would like you, want you.... Then there's the joy of winning him over, he's all yours, that sense of bliss and euphoria. And slowly but surely it sinks in.... but is he really all yours?

There's always the things you don't talk about, the time you don't spend together, the places he doesn't take you and slowly but surely you realize once again you've picked the wrong guy. You've succumbed to the subconscious need to find someone that will change for you, because you're worth it. But really what are we looking for them to change into? Am I still tragically looking for my true life Beast? The tough exterior, with the heart of gold inside? I've never seen myself as a hopeless romantic, but no matter how much i personally want to deny it, fight it, bury it deep down inside it's time to face facts my history proves it to me time and time again.
So I set out to change the way that I see dating. I wanted to find a guy that was sweet and caring, and honest. He started the day off with Good Morning, and ended the night with Goodnight and in between we talked about everything under the sun. This was the start of my online dating escapade. I had success  from the start, I was more surprised than anything at how quickly we connected. I started talking to Mr. Nice Guy out of the blue and wasn't really expecting it to go anywhere. We talked for weeks, about everything from work, to family, to the boring things we did in our spare time. He was polite and well-mannered with a good sense of humor. He was patient when I was hesitant to meet him right off the bat since it was the first time either of us had tried online dating. It was easier getting to know him, than some of my other suitors. He was the type guy that if you sent him a dirty drunk text, he called you adorable and said you should probably get some sleep. He was a gentlemen and I didn't know what to do with that. He was unlike anyone I'd ever considered dating in the past.

When it came time to go on a date I was a wreck. What if we didn't have anything in common? What if he didn't actually look like his pictures? What if I'm too awkward? It never crossed my mind that him being too nice would ever seem like the problem. We decided on dinner and a movie. He picked me up and drove to dinner. The first moments were awkward, we didn't know where to start or what to talk about. But then it just began to flow, the same way our texts and messages did for the past weeks. We got to the restaurant and that's when I truly realized I was in over my head. He opened the door to the car for me which seemed foreign and awkward.  I didn't know how to respond, other than to say "you know you don't have to do that". To which he joked and said "try and stop me", I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I brushed it off.  As we approached the restaurant he opened the door and took my coat as we waited. We gushed over what we did that day, and what our friends were saying about our date. We went through what seemed like the best date I'd ever been on. He took the check and wouldn't let me pay no matter how much I protested and pouted. Which was fine and dandy until he robbed me of my leftovers as I reached to carry them out. Once again, I felt awkward walking out to the car as he held my left overs and opened doors. He insisted on pulling the car out so that I wouldn't have to walk in the snow. A nice sentiment, but yet again completely unnecessary. We moved onto part II of our date, dinner was done and it was onto the movie. We had picked three movies and narrowed them down to one. We were going to see Wolf on Wallstreet, which was funny, vulgar, full of nudity and drugs and exactly the kind of movie that I love. But I watched as he squirmed in his seat as the "awkward" scenes came up. I sat back relaxed and laughing, almost in my element. The movie drew to a close and we exited the theater. He apologized immensely for picking such a vulgar movie, he never wanted to make me feel uncomfortable. As If, I loved the movie and would totally see it again. It was another moment when, I truly felt awkward. He was literally apologizing for my taste in movies.. Weird, Right? As we approached my apartment he gave me a quick gentlemen like kiss goodnight, and then he was gone.

As we texted that night, I felt as if I had fallen out of a fairytale. He truly was a gentleman and all around nice guy who brought me on what for anyone else would have been a fairytale date. But yet, I couldn't help but think, could I really handle having someone feel like they have to do everything for me. The almost awkward feeling of my independence being ripped out from under me. Was he my fairytale guy? No. It took a good and nice guy to make me realize, that I actually like doing things for myself. Opening a door doesn't sweep me off my feet the way it always seems to all women in those romantic films. And so what if I didn't want to give up carrying my own leftovers? Come on, who doesn't want the smell of loaded potatoes wafting in front of them? And frankly, I'm just not the girl who wants a quick peck goodnight. I want the passion and fire in my life. Maybe I'm just not programmed to be the girl who wants that nice guy.


Who would have thought, the lessons you learn in one night can change your outlook forever. I still view that night as an optimistic first stab at online dating. While it didn't work out with Mr. Nice Guy, I did learn a lot from our first date. First and Foremost, chivalry is not dead but damn it sure does feel awkward. And maybe just maybe, I might just be that girl holding out for my own real life Beast.
<---Or just the right nice guy who can still surprise me, if you know what I mean?

Homebody Hobbies

One thing living on your own teaches you is that you have to be completely comfortable being by yourself. Which can get lonely at times. At first, Netflix is your best friend.. you spend every late night hanging out and watching random/ tragic TV series. But one day you either run out of new series or you just get bored of what you do when your bored. It only took about 2 months for me to hit the true brink of boredom. Leaving me in search of a new hobby to fill out some of my time at home.

What twenty-something girl doesn't want to be the cute artsy girl at one point or another? Taking to Pinterest, my favorite time wasting website. I love Pinterest for multiple reasons, the first of which is it has a million great ideas. But second of all it makes you feel like you can do anything with the help of a little tutorial. In reality, the end project never quite turns out the way you want it to, and you're left with a more abstract piece of art. But what the hell, I always seem to come back for more. 

Current hobby I'm totally mastering (well not really, but i'll let you judge that in a minute).... Watercolor painting tutorials. I've tried sunsets, and flowers, and then there's paintings that are just plain abstract.... Well it didn't start out with intention of being abstract, it just sort of ended up looking like Rorschach Test, so I just went with it. I can say following well written tutorials like this one from Barksblog http://www.barksblog.com/2013/07/watercolor-poppy-painting-tutorial.html gives you sense of accomplishment and success. This poppy tutorial so far is my favorite and sort built the confidence to take a risk and just be creative. 

So here are a couple others that i have painted. Nailed it or failed it? 

It's still a work in progress... Maybe I'll get better, or maybe I'll find another Pinterest Hobby to try. 

Do you have any pinterest nailed its or failed its? 

Be the Girl EVERY Guy Wants To Talk To

You know you clicked on this post because you're dying to hear how to be the perfect girl that every guy wants. It's the for the same reason that we all fawn over the next month of COSMO magazine.  While I am a reluctant COSMO fan, I can't help but saying a majority of those articles are full of crap. They write articles with titles that not only demean your self-esteem but draw you in order to fix what they have deemed "wrong with you." This isn't a blogpost to fight the self esteem of single twenty something women, but yet to help you find your very own self esteem.

If there is anything that I have learned since putting myself out there through online dating it is to just be your damn self. Don't lie or smudge the details about your height, hair color, or even your weight no matter how much you want. Don't pretend to like football, baseball or any sport for that matter. Let's face it just because you can google it doesn't mean you should. Because eventually you will decide you like someone enough to meet them, and you won't be the girl that you promised them. There's nothing more depressing than being all excited about the new blossoming relationship just to realize you are sitting across the table from a guy you have nothing in common with. Worst part is you can't find a clever way to google, the last three subjects he's brought up and you're almost done with your dinner. And there goes the only opportunity that you have to hide the awkward silence with a mouth full of food.
I know the feeling that every girl gets when they open up their blank profile. Oh the pressure of picking out the perfect pictures. First instinct, Find EVERY picture you have ever taken where you look like a barbie doll or a beauty queen. That's because this is what every issue of COSMO has taught us since we were in our teens. Guys want the pretty girl, who looks perfect 24/7 and is the epitome of the perfect girlie girl. While being pretty is a great and all... It isn't whats going to draw in real conversations from guys you would actually be interested in. Instead you will end up with an inbox full of catcalls from every creep within a 50 mile radius. Pick the photos that show who you are.
                          Don't be afraid to make this face ->

While I have what I think (which is a totally biased opinion) to be a nice combination of photos on my profiles, I've never been afraid to show who I really am. It's often those photos are the ones that guys mention when they start talking about how I caught their eye. The photo above of me making the rabid gerbil face is often the most commented on picture. That's my man attracting face... and I used to beg to have that picture taken off my friend's Facebook. Then one day I just started to embrace it because in reality that is who I really am, and that's a face that I know I make quite often. And if you can LOVE that face, then we might just get along. Show me the pictures you'd pick for your perfect profile. Are they funny, sassy, crazy? Let's hope so because that's who you really are.

The moral of the story is LOVE WHO YOU ARE AND BE WHO YOU ARE, and you're taking a step in the right direction to creating your perfect profile. 

A Single Girl in the Age of Online Dating

Who would have thought there was going to be a day in my life when I wanted to admit to trying online dating? A couple months ago I would have said never in a million years. But that was when I was living at home with my mom and my little brother. Who has time to think about their lack of romantic social life when you are constantly being tricked into watching a baby in your free time? 

But now I have my own apartment, my social freedom, and I'm over here twiddling my thumbs thinking "How on earth do you meet new people?" 

In college it was easy, you go to a party with your friends and you manage to meet 25 people you've never met before. But parties after college seem to always be with the same people, all of which you seem to have known since high school. And lets face it, I didn't want to date any of them then, and I sure don't want to date any of them now.... So you think the other option, go out to a bar meet a nice guy. Yeah right, that's not where you go to meet nice guys that's where you go to meet a drunken idiots. You know the ones who comment on how pretty you are because you're wearing the right pair of jeans and your boobs hanging out of your shirt just the right amount. I didn't even mention how much the beer googles help to make them more attractive both in the physical attributes and personality department. So we've crossed out going to parties and going to the bar in order to meet new people. Then there is the worst option, dating people at work. It all seems fine and dandy until you realize, you are the worst couple ever and break up. Then you realize that seeing each other everyday at work is not cute and endearing, its now just plain awkward and miserable. Gets two steps worse when one of you starts dating another co-worker. Let's just say it never turns out good for either party involved. So where's left to meet people? A cute run in at the grocery store? Now that's just a storyline out of a chick flick, if you wait around for that day you'll be single forever. 

So that leaves me here. Sucking up my awkward pride and admitting that I am online dating, and having the time of my life. I've got stories for days, and look forward to upcoming posts about the good, the bad, and the just plain ugly of online dating.