Chivalry ISNT Dead But it Sure is AWKWARD

What girl doesn't love a bad boy? There's always that irresistible magnetism that draws you in and has you hopelessly fawning over his bad boy ways. You know those boys that no matter how hard you try you can't seem to break down the barriers, they're yours but not yours all at once. I know my track record speaks for itself, I pick all the wrong types of guys. There's always that thrill of the chase, the fervent flirting, the hopes that a guy like him would like you, want you.... Then there's the joy of winning him over, he's all yours, that sense of bliss and euphoria. And slowly but surely it sinks in.... but is he really all yours?

There's always the things you don't talk about, the time you don't spend together, the places he doesn't take you and slowly but surely you realize once again you've picked the wrong guy. You've succumbed to the subconscious need to find someone that will change for you, because you're worth it. But really what are we looking for them to change into? Am I still tragically looking for my true life Beast? The tough exterior, with the heart of gold inside? I've never seen myself as a hopeless romantic, but no matter how much i personally want to deny it, fight it, bury it deep down inside it's time to face facts my history proves it to me time and time again.
So I set out to change the way that I see dating. I wanted to find a guy that was sweet and caring, and honest. He started the day off with Good Morning, and ended the night with Goodnight and in between we talked about everything under the sun. This was the start of my online dating escapade. I had success  from the start, I was more surprised than anything at how quickly we connected. I started talking to Mr. Nice Guy out of the blue and wasn't really expecting it to go anywhere. We talked for weeks, about everything from work, to family, to the boring things we did in our spare time. He was polite and well-mannered with a good sense of humor. He was patient when I was hesitant to meet him right off the bat since it was the first time either of us had tried online dating. It was easier getting to know him, than some of my other suitors. He was the type guy that if you sent him a dirty drunk text, he called you adorable and said you should probably get some sleep. He was a gentlemen and I didn't know what to do with that. He was unlike anyone I'd ever considered dating in the past.

When it came time to go on a date I was a wreck. What if we didn't have anything in common? What if he didn't actually look like his pictures? What if I'm too awkward? It never crossed my mind that him being too nice would ever seem like the problem. We decided on dinner and a movie. He picked me up and drove to dinner. The first moments were awkward, we didn't know where to start or what to talk about. But then it just began to flow, the same way our texts and messages did for the past weeks. We got to the restaurant and that's when I truly realized I was in over my head. He opened the door to the car for me which seemed foreign and awkward.  I didn't know how to respond, other than to say "you know you don't have to do that". To which he joked and said "try and stop me", I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I brushed it off.  As we approached the restaurant he opened the door and took my coat as we waited. We gushed over what we did that day, and what our friends were saying about our date. We went through what seemed like the best date I'd ever been on. He took the check and wouldn't let me pay no matter how much I protested and pouted. Which was fine and dandy until he robbed me of my leftovers as I reached to carry them out. Once again, I felt awkward walking out to the car as he held my left overs and opened doors. He insisted on pulling the car out so that I wouldn't have to walk in the snow. A nice sentiment, but yet again completely unnecessary. We moved onto part II of our date, dinner was done and it was onto the movie. We had picked three movies and narrowed them down to one. We were going to see Wolf on Wallstreet, which was funny, vulgar, full of nudity and drugs and exactly the kind of movie that I love. But I watched as he squirmed in his seat as the "awkward" scenes came up. I sat back relaxed and laughing, almost in my element. The movie drew to a close and we exited the theater. He apologized immensely for picking such a vulgar movie, he never wanted to make me feel uncomfortable. As If, I loved the movie and would totally see it again. It was another moment when, I truly felt awkward. He was literally apologizing for my taste in movies.. Weird, Right? As we approached my apartment he gave me a quick gentlemen like kiss goodnight, and then he was gone.

As we texted that night, I felt as if I had fallen out of a fairytale. He truly was a gentleman and all around nice guy who brought me on what for anyone else would have been a fairytale date. But yet, I couldn't help but think, could I really handle having someone feel like they have to do everything for me. The almost awkward feeling of my independence being ripped out from under me. Was he my fairytale guy? No. It took a good and nice guy to make me realize, that I actually like doing things for myself. Opening a door doesn't sweep me off my feet the way it always seems to all women in those romantic films. And so what if I didn't want to give up carrying my own leftovers? Come on, who doesn't want the smell of loaded potatoes wafting in front of them? And frankly, I'm just not the girl who wants a quick peck goodnight. I want the passion and fire in my life. Maybe I'm just not programmed to be the girl who wants that nice guy.


Who would have thought, the lessons you learn in one night can change your outlook forever. I still view that night as an optimistic first stab at online dating. While it didn't work out with Mr. Nice Guy, I did learn a lot from our first date. First and Foremost, chivalry is not dead but damn it sure does feel awkward. And maybe just maybe, I might just be that girl holding out for my own real life Beast.
<---Or just the right nice guy who can still surprise me, if you know what I mean?